[运动史]我是门将
2003-07-15 07:19 | Random
最早是什么时候开始运动的,我已记不分明,如果连爬树打架捉迷藏也算的话,那就算是小学一年级开始了吧,因为那的确给了我很好的体力。而真正开始踢球,大约是小学二年级,自然,那时候只是瞎踢,能经常踢到球的人就是踢得好的,我很庆幸自己每节体育课都能踢到两三脚球,因为我总是在跑,所以总能争取到几次触球的机会,那是应当得来的。而那时,五年级有足球课,那当时是被叫作兴趣小组,我很羡慕他们有老师指导着踢球,因为我们自己踢的时候,常常发生争执,而原因就是足球从门柱上飞过,双方争执球是进门了还是没进,因为门柱就是我们的书包。
我并没有当前锋的兴趣,虽然我体力十分充足,但我一直觉得,失一个球的耻辱会湮没进一个球的荣耀,所以我总是担当后卫。话是这么说,可我总是满场飞,一直到预备班,我都是场上体力最好的人,经常从后场带球单带冲到前场,完全靠速度来过人,然后到禁区里射门之后奔回后场(射偏),所以那时候,曾得了个不太雅的绰号:野人。而那时在初中,学校里是有校足球队的,每周六训练,很让我羡慕,因为队里的学长都十分高大,每次训练也总准备了很多的足球,看起来很专业。到后来我才知道,球多只能代表库存充足,但那一届校队的身高却的确很难得,其中有五个人是一个班的,只有初二,却有四个身高超过一米八零,并且没留过级。
一次意外的事情发生了,一次放学,低年级和高年级玩起球来,踢成比赛。而当时,低年级的那个临时门将说妈妈要骂就逃回家了,把手套交给了我,戴上手套,站在门前,真是有种说不出的感觉,虽然我从没有守过门。而那场比赛之后,我第一次感到,能守住球的感觉,比进球的感觉要棒得多,虽然欢呼的人要少,但自己却更自豪。从那以后,每次体育课我都抢着当门将,而当时,我们班里有个经常守门的人,当时可以说是带着“让让我”的心理,让我每次都守。但渐渐地事情起了变化,他开始不让我守了,因为半个学期里,我的进步飞快,差不多要超过他了,他很清楚自己的地位受到了影响,于是我们势不两立。后来发展到,中午踢球的时候,我和他谁先到球场,谁就守门,这是件关系重大的事情,因为我们的主要练习时间都在中午,如果失却了机会,就不好办了,于是我们两个就都渐渐练出了吃饭超迅速和饭后运动决不生病的本事。
初一,一次偶然的机会被我抓住了。那次放学踢球完之后,很多同学都回家了,包括我的竞争对手,只留下我和另一个人在一射一守,不知不觉,旁边多了几个人,我知道他们是校队的人,因为只有他们有这么高的个子和吓人的气势。他们看了一会儿之后,一个走向我的那个同学,低声说话,而另一个也走到我旁边说:“你星期六有空伐?”这话的意思我再清楚不过了,这代表我能进校队了。第二天,当我把这个事情跟我的竞争对手说了之后,他当时的表情我一生都不会忘却,他平时是极度搞笑和滑稽的人,而那时候,他脸上的失落、后悔和迷茫,我不会再有机会看到了。而结果却是皆大欢喜的,校队队员的征集是公开的,于是他报名并经过测试之后,也加入了队中。而我后来才知道,那个问我周六是否有空的人,是当时的校队门将,也是我初中母校的校队历史上最出色的门将之一。
我们从初二升到初三,每次中午的练习,我们也不再争抢练习的机会,而是两个人守门,许多人射门。因为有过激烈的竞争和各自的苦练,我们已经是全校最出色的门将了。而在高三的时候,学习的压力胜过一切,所以足球也基本被搁置了,主要的是中考。
高中的足球队又是别样的一番景象,这次,一进校的时候我就报名参加了队伍,而带队老师在第一次出去比赛的时候做了一件令我难堪的事情:让我当后卫。说实话,我已经多年没有当后卫的经历,而且我也多次和他说我是门将,但是没用,我也发誓他这么做会后悔的。结果如我所料,在前一个门将毕业以后,校队主力的位置自然掉到了我身上,事情发展得很顺利,但却没有了初中时的竞争,也就没有了当时那种动力,虽然比赛的时候我依然很兢业,依然是一如既往地大呼小叫,但是失去竞争对手的郁闷,实在很难受,过去我们一起比赛一起学习一起打架一起说笑的时光过去了,我很怀念他。
转眼间,我已进了大学,自然而然地当上了院队的门将。当我听说有哪个门将当过某某乙级队的门将,当我看到校队集体训练的场面,我不会自卑,也不会羡慕,因为他的傲慢告诉我,他身上的伤不会比我更多;集训的松散告诉我,激情昂扬的年龄早已远去。我很清楚,在这个学校里,我仍然是最出色的,但我再也不会去争什么东西,因为那只能换来更多的牺牲和失望,我最期待的,是能有一天,我所守护的,不是这冷冰冰的球门。
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Twelve o'clock,
Along the reaches of the street
Held in a lunar synthesis,
Whispering lunar incantations
Dissolve the floors of memory
And all its clear relations,
Its divisions and precisions,
Every street lamp that I pass
Beats like a fatalistic drum,
And through the spaces of the dark
Midnight shakes the memory
As a madman shakes a dead geranium.
Half-past one,
The street-lamp sputtered,
The street-lamp muttered,
The street-lamp said, "Regard that woman
Who hesistates toward you in the light of the door
Which opens on her like a grin.
You see the border of her dress
Is torn and stained with sand,
And you see the corner of her eye
Twists like a crooked pin."
The memory throws up high and dry
A crowd of twisted things;
A twisted branch upon the beach
Eaten smooth, and polished
As if the world gave up
The secret of its skeleton,
Stiff and white.
A broken spring in a factory yard,
Rust that clings to the form that the strength has left
Hard and curled and ready to snap.
Half-past two,
The street-lamp said,
"Remark the cat which flattens itself in the gutter,
Slips out its tongue
And devours a morsel of rancid butter."
So the hand of the child, automatic,
Slipped out and pocketed a toy that was running along the quay.
I could see nothing behind that child's eye.
I have seen eyes in the street
Trying to peer through lighted shutters,
And a crab one afternoon in a pool,
An old crab with barnacles on his back,
Gripped the end of a stick which I held him.
Half-past three,
The lamp sputtered,
The lamp muttered in the dark.
The lamp hummed:
"Regard the moon,
Lu lune ne garde aucune rancune,
She winks a feeble eye,
She smiles into corners.
She smooths the hair of the grass.
The moon has lost her memory.
A washed-out smallpox cracks her face,
Her hand twists a paper rose,
That smells of dust and eau de Cologne,
She is alone
With all the old nocturnal smells
That cross and cross across her brain."
The reminiscence comes
Of sunless dry geraniums
And dust in crevices,
Smells of chestnuts in the streets,
And female smells in shuttered rooms,
And cigarettes in corridors
And cocktail smells in bars.
The lamp said,
"Four o'clock,
Her is the number on the door.
Memory!
You have the key,
The little lamp spreads a ring on the stair.
Mount.
The bed is open; the tooth-brush hangs on the wall,
Put your shoes at the door, sleep, prepare for life."
The last twist of the knife.