有种爱，比死更冷
2006-08-01 18:53 | 死跑龙套的
承诺在某种程度上，和期权很像：你知道自己现在有这样一种权力，兑现的权力。却无法预料以后能否兑现，至于能兑现出什么东西，鬼才知道。
所以大多数情况下，面对朋友的请求，我总是回应以漫不经心的态度。这样他们顶多不爽，却不会失望，我也不必过于内疚。
这并不代表我们互不信任。这正如你把存折就给朋友保管，但不会告诉他密码一样。别人我不知道，倘若真的有人把存折连同密码一起交过来，然后很有诚意地看着我说：我完全彻底地相信你。我不但不会感动，反而会头疼得要命。
能得到别人的信任固然是好事，但完全彻底的信任就不是那么好玩的了。因为你不能在任何地方，那怕是最微小之处疏忽，从而让他失望。尽管你是无心的，可失望就是失望。
每个人都会犯错。
早晨醒来时总是头疼欲裂，有时甚至会想，是不是神经错乱了会更舒服些。看着屋子里一成不变的摆设，听着窗外似乎永远不会中止的雨声，摸摸身上潮湿冰冷的汗水，反倒萌生出一种希望，希望大门上被横七竖八地上了一批锁，这样反倒可以激发起我破门而出的愿望。
然后就是卫生间，洁白平整的墙壁上什么时候可以多出一个洞，让我钻进去，接着在不知所措的梦境中，或是现实中醒来呢？
但是毕竟没有疯，因为我不想。所以那只是片刻的罅隙，谁都一样。
说起来，步行十五分钟倒是可以看到一个湖。
湖上什么都没有，原本是有鹅和野鸭子的，可惜都已经死掉了。
静静的湖面，没有一丝波澜，我忽然察觉到，水中的鱼儿也都不见了。它们是红色的，在这个季节本应格外鲜艳，成群游动时，像是掺杂在水中的鲜血。现在，没有了。
如果说还差一点什么的话，那就是雾，大雾。
哦，如果有大雾的话，我或许就会踏上泊在岸边的那几条破烂的木船，划向湖中心。看看自己是否能消失在那浓密的白色中，抑或是真的可以到达彼岸，看到那盏悬挂在栈桥上的灯火，体会到那种荒凉和寂静。
哦，可惜的是，没有雾，什么都没有。
生活还是要继续。
也许所有的感触，只是来源于那封信。
In my restless dreams I see that town.
Silent Hill.
You promised you'd take me there again someday. But you never did.
Well I'm alone there now... Waiting for you...
Waiting for you to come to see me.
But you never do.
And so I wait. Wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness
I know I've done a terrible thing to you. Something you'll never forgive me for.
I wish I can change that. But I can't.
I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here,waiting for you.
Every day I stare up at the cracks in the celling and all I can think about is how unfair it all is.
The doctor came today. He told me I could go home for a short stay.
it's not that I'm getting better. It's just that this may be my last chance...
I think you know what I mean...
Even so, I grad to be coming home. I've missing you terribly.
But I'm afraid James. I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home.
Whenever you come see me. I can tell how hard it is on you...
I don't know if you hate me or pity me... Or maybe I just disgust you...
I'm sorry about that.
When I first learn that I was going to die.I just didn't want to accept it.
I was so angry all the time and I struck out everyone I love most.
Especially you, James.
That's why I understand if you do hate me.
But I want you to know this, James.
I'll always love you.
Even though our life together had to end like this. I still wouldn't
trade it for the world. We had some wonderful years together.
Well this letter has gone on too long so I will say goodbye.
I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone.
That means that as you read this, I'm already dead.
I can't tell you to remember me, but I can't bear you to
forgot me.
These last few years since I become ill...I'm so sorry for
what I did to you, did to us...
You've given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing.
That's why I want you to live for yourself now. Do what's best for you ,James
James...
一切都没有结束，一切都将继续。
因为即便再冷，爱就是爱。
-
所以大多数情况下，面对朋友的请求，我总是回应以漫不经心的态度。这样他们顶多不爽，却不会失望，我也不必过于内疚。
这并不代表我们互不信任。这正如你把存折就给朋友保管，但不会告诉他密码一样。别人我不知道，倘若真的有人把存折连同密码一起交过来，然后很有诚意地看着我说：我完全彻底地相信你。我不但不会感动，反而会头疼得要命。
能得到别人的信任固然是好事，但完全彻底的信任就不是那么好玩的了。因为你不能在任何地方，那怕是最微小之处疏忽，从而让他失望。尽管你是无心的，可失望就是失望。
每个人都会犯错。
早晨醒来时总是头疼欲裂，有时甚至会想，是不是神经错乱了会更舒服些。看着屋子里一成不变的摆设，听着窗外似乎永远不会中止的雨声，摸摸身上潮湿冰冷的汗水，反倒萌生出一种希望，希望大门上被横七竖八地上了一批锁，这样反倒可以激发起我破门而出的愿望。
然后就是卫生间，洁白平整的墙壁上什么时候可以多出一个洞，让我钻进去，接着在不知所措的梦境中，或是现实中醒来呢？
但是毕竟没有疯，因为我不想。所以那只是片刻的罅隙，谁都一样。
说起来，步行十五分钟倒是可以看到一个湖。
湖上什么都没有，原本是有鹅和野鸭子的，可惜都已经死掉了。
静静的湖面，没有一丝波澜，我忽然察觉到，水中的鱼儿也都不见了。它们是红色的，在这个季节本应格外鲜艳，成群游动时，像是掺杂在水中的鲜血。现在，没有了。
如果说还差一点什么的话，那就是雾，大雾。
哦，如果有大雾的话，我或许就会踏上泊在岸边的那几条破烂的木船，划向湖中心。看看自己是否能消失在那浓密的白色中，抑或是真的可以到达彼岸，看到那盏悬挂在栈桥上的灯火，体会到那种荒凉和寂静。
哦，可惜的是，没有雾，什么都没有。
生活还是要继续。
也许所有的感触，只是来源于那封信。
In my restless dreams I see that town.
Silent Hill.
You promised you'd take me there again someday. But you never did.
Well I'm alone there now... Waiting for you...
Waiting for you to come to see me.
But you never do.
And so I wait. Wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness
I know I've done a terrible thing to you. Something you'll never forgive me for.
I wish I can change that. But I can't.
I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here,waiting for you.
Every day I stare up at the cracks in the celling and all I can think about is how unfair it all is.
The doctor came today. He told me I could go home for a short stay.
it's not that I'm getting better. It's just that this may be my last chance...
I think you know what I mean...
Even so, I grad to be coming home. I've missing you terribly.
But I'm afraid James. I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home.
Whenever you come see me. I can tell how hard it is on you...
I don't know if you hate me or pity me... Or maybe I just disgust you...
I'm sorry about that.
When I first learn that I was going to die.I just didn't want to accept it.
I was so angry all the time and I struck out everyone I love most.
Especially you, James.
That's why I understand if you do hate me.
But I want you to know this, James.
I'll always love you.
Even though our life together had to end like this. I still wouldn't
trade it for the world. We had some wonderful years together.
Well this letter has gone on too long so I will say goodbye.
I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone.
That means that as you read this, I'm already dead.
I can't tell you to remember me, but I can't bear you to
forgot me.
These last few years since I become ill...I'm so sorry for
what I did to you, did to us...
You've given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing.
That's why I want you to live for yourself now. Do what's best for you ,James
James...
一切都没有结束，一切都将继续。
因为即便再冷，爱就是爱。
-